Very Confusing

I had three personas. I was a woman who was masquerading as a man who sometimes dressed in drag to be near a girlfriend's older male relative.

For some reason, the "real me" wasn't allowed to be interested in the older male relative. And of course, a man couldn't be interested in him either. So, the solution was to pretend to be a man who was pretending to be a woman.

There must be something I want that I feel I can't/shouldn't have. And I'm willing to be very devious in order to get it.